When I look back on all the mistakes I've made, and all the resulting suffering and misery - if I were to sum it all up into one core problem it would be this; I wasn't loving myself because I was believing in lies.
It's kinda hard to grasp that the Almighty Creator loves us when we don't love ourselves! You all probably know me as a super-positive person, which I am. However I have struggled with some pretty destructive thought patterns, and put up walls around my heart just like the rest of us. Over the past few months I've experienced a tremendous amount of personal growth, He has literally lit up my world! And I want to share some of that with you.
Signs and Symptoms of not loving yourself:
1. You're not a happy joyful person on the inside.
2. You have this crazy need to search and search for whatever it is that will bring you peace.
3. You keep making the same mistakes over and over again.
4. You have attached your self worth to external things - for example:
- I will be happy when I lose this extra weight
- As soon as I achieve everything will fall into place and be ok
- I just need to get under control and then I can deal with the rest of my life
6. You make decisions that you know are not good for you.
7. You believe somehow that you are the exception, that you can tolerate and maybe even deserve a great amount of suffering.
8. You are physically ill
9. You are exhausted - mentally, physically and emotionally.
10. You would never give someone you love the advise you secretly give yourself.
These were some of my inner tortures, if you will. Praise the Lord, that I have freedom from them now! We are always a work in progress, and my goal today in sharing what was once my ugly side is to reach out to you so you know YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
The more I came out of this darkness the more I realized I was not alone. The enemy likes to trick us into thinking that we are alone in our sufferings, that we are somehow unworthy. I felt so isolated and bound by all of these things -- but I know now that was all an illusion. God had me in his hands the whole time - I was just so distracted with all the "smoke and mirrors" that I couldn't see straight!
I've also learned something else about the enemy - he speaks to us as if we are speaking to ourselves in first person. That voice in your head that sounds like you, that says things like, "I don't really deserve to be happy" -- that is not your voice, that is not what God thinks about you, it is a lie, choose not to believe it!
One of the greatest "breakthrough" moments I had was through Luke 10:1-20 - I will leave you with the best part :)
17 The seventy-two returned with joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.”
18 He replied, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. 19 I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. 20 However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.”
Do you know what this means?! This means that in the name of Jesus Christ, we can cast out evil...literally. After all, evil has already been overcome, and God has already won! We don't have to fight with those negative thoughts or temptations - we don't have to listen to them and in fact
WE DON'T NEED TO HEAR THEM AT ALL!
One of the greatest prayers I made that impacted my life so significatly and immediately was something like this, "Jesus Christ, in Your Heavenly Name, I banish all evil from my mind, body and spirit - evil has no place here, this is the residence of the Holy Spirit! Amen!
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