I haven't blogged in a long time, but lately I have been inspired, so here I go :)
I am so very human, just like all of you. I am a recovering perfectionist, and I admit I have looked for validation in all the wrong places. I have compared myself and my life to others, only to feel defeated, and I have judged myself based on the ideals of this world. I have struggled with depression and anxiety most of my life, and yes I have lost it a time or two. But I wouldn't change a thing because it's all been a part of me and shaped me to be who I am right this second. And I have reached a new place within myself, a place of peace that is new and wonderful.
I came to realize this the other day when I was at the gym. As a gym regular, you get to know the other regulars. I came in to the gym, and as I was starting my workout, another lady was finishing up hers. I had never seen her before but she appeared to be working out with the kind of intensity that I workout.Then I had a brief dialogue with one of the regulars that went something like this.
Guy at the gym: "Hey, how are ya? Looks like you may have had some competition in here."
Me: "Yeah I saw her, she looked like she was working out pretty hard. But the only competition I have is with myself"
After this I had a revelation....
No, I am not in competition with myself. For the first time in my life I am at peace and balance within myself. It's no longer me vs. my issues or me vs. my body. Wow, there is such freedom in this!
For as far back as I can remember, in my mind there's always been a battle going on. And the enemy makes us think that we need to strive for that perfection, be stronger, be better, in order to win our own personal battles. But what I have come to experience and learn is that, it's letting go, letting yourself off the hook, surrendering yourself, all of yourself (even your faults) to Jesus and realizing that the battle is not yours to fight. I could get into the whole topic of spiritual warfare right now, but that could be a whole book in and of itself.
So now, I am simply and joyfully on the journey forth with Jesus. Yes there is plenty of stuff in me to work on, as we are always a work in progress - but it's no longer a battle, struggle or fight.
I was listening to a devotional cd the other day and the woman was talking about the story of Mary and Martha, and the idea of good enough. The basics of the story is (and feel free to correct me or comment below,) Jesus has come over, Martha is frantically cooking up a great big meal, and Mary is by Jesus's side taking in all He has to say. Martha comes in and is upset that Mary is not helping her - and Jesus comments that one dish would have been good enough.
Martha was too busy worrying about making this great big meal, that she was missing precious time with Jesus. And Jesus says that one dish would have been good enough. Mary knew that the most important thing at that moment was to be with Jesus.
How many times do we get so wrapped up in over achieving, over -doing, or reaching our ideas of perfection, when much less is good enough? And how often does our focus on such things take our energy away from what is most important?
I have been getting so much out of this story - as this idea of good enough speaks to many aspects of my life.
So today I invite you to take yourself off the hook, let it go, stop putting energy into your "issues" and focus your energy on what is most important. Stop seeking external achievements and things to validate ourselves.
You are good enough - because you were made by God, and He doesn't make mistakes. And He is with you, waiting to be your strength, waiting to partner with you in His creation. He loves you because of who you are, you are His.